Mental illness is a difficult thing to live with. I’m currently in between medicines. Meaning, my medicine that I was switched to 3 months ago makes me extremely volatile and paranoid so I stopped taking it 3 days ago and now I’m just… idk… I feel weird now. I got to work this morning and I started crying and I don’t know why. I got married a few months ago and I was literally questioning why I even got married last night. I feel like I’m going nuts. I have no alone time at all anymore and I am a person who craves it. I need it like plants need the sun. I’m slowly losing my mind. I hate my job, I hate the people at my job. I miss my little shitty ass fucking apartment. I don’t know what to do with myself anymore. I just want to be happy like I was a year ago. I really am just losing my fucking sanity. I’m going crazy. I want to scream and cry and pull my hair out and the fact that I have to leave work and go home to entertain more people is just exhausting me. It’s making me think crazy thoughts.

I don’t know what to do. And I find myself lying about stupid shit just to keep going. To keep pushing forward. I just don’t know what to do. Is this what 2019 has in store for me?